The Free Radical

Okay Barry, we gotta talk.

Yes, I’ve heard that you’re some kind of triple reverse, deep undercover, double-agent with a few tricks up his sleeve… but must you still come across as the douchebag of all douchebags in an historic milieu of unmitigated douchebaggery?

Before my dream just prior to your election to your second term of office, I was trying to use logic and discernment to assess your motivations. As your first term “progressed,” my reasoning developed thusly: no human being– not even a well-oiled political slickster– could truly be as magnificent in his hypocrisy as you have been. I mean, it’s just not possible that a human being can say all the right things– so eloquently, and then go ahead through his actions to undermine and make a mockery of such stated principles so blatantly, so consistently, so insultingly… unless there’s a cunningly deep counter-agenda afoot.

(This one time… I read a book about a King who pretended to be insane in order to uncover the deep treachery within his court. Have you read Daughter of Regals? Are you the fool, or am I? I just want to know.)

Perhaps it is time to stand up and be counted, hm? Um… one. “We’re in this together,” remember? Except right now, I’m embarrassed to have picked you for The Team. Perhaps in unprecedented dramatic fashion you can still pull this whole thing together and come totally clean as to why you’ve been such a shit… or perhaps, you will soon collapse into a puddle of undifferentiated human goo as is the eventual fate of clones (saw that on a Family Guy episode– must be true).

Nevertheless, I would suggest that it is well nigh time for you to pick up your superhero tights from the dry cleaners and get on with the “heroing.” There’s an awful lot of good people making honest efforts to forge a better world. They’re standing up for what’s right. And if you’re not willing to stand with us, then you might as well stay on your knees, servicing our zippers like the foul prostitute that you appear to be.

Who are you Barack Obama? I will now commence stalking you through the DreamRealms until a definitive answer is found.