The Free Radical

(This is how I scratch the itch in my own brain…)

…

Omar has an itch in his brain, one that he can’t seem to scratch. It’s really pissing him off.

(Trevor has a similar itch, but he’s just white trash, so he’s not newsworthy. Forget about Trevor.)

We’re told that Omar and Trevor aren’t the problem anyway, nor is the itch in their respective brains. It’s the guns and the internet, stupid!

The itch in Omar’s brain has gotten so bad, it’s like it’s gotten a life of its own… one that really needs expressing. And Omar feels pretty helpless, overshadowed by the itch.

The itch is taking over and says to Omar “We should go and kill as many people as we can.” And then everyone’s brain will be itchy, Omar thinks.

Misery loves company.

He eyes the assault rifle on the kitchen table and thinks “Yeah, but I might need some more ammo.”

The thought of infecting the whole world with Itchy Brain Syndrome is delightful… but first Omar needs to take a shit.

When Omar gets out of the bathroom, the assault rifle on the kitchen table is gone, along with the half-empty box of ammo. Omar rushes over to the computer.

“What’s going on!” his mind screams. But all he can get on the internet are cat videos and Hillary Clinton trying to fake another smile as she declares “We now have peace on Earth.”

Now the itch in Omar’s brain is fungal, syphilitic, a raging fire of a grey-matter rash; it’s fucking unbearable! But Omar has no assault rifle anymore; there’s no ammo; and he can’t reach his radicalized buddies for advice. What is poor Omar to do?

He looks across the kitchen to the stove and thinks “I’ll make a nice cup of tea, and perhaps some porridge instead.”

And that’s just what Omar does… and the whole world lives happily ever after, in a half-sleep state… wearing frog pajamas, of course.

…

What? Not believable? But isn’t this just the sort of ‘solutions’ the ‘experts’ are advocating? Ignore the itch; it’s only in Omar’s mind anyway. We have to deal with this in the real world… of guns and computers, and adorable cat videos. And that’s assuming that Omar is just a lone nut with a pimpled and scabby brain… that he’s no actor in someone else’s play. And don’t you dare even wonder where Omar got the itch in the first place! No, let’s stick to what’s relevant– guns, mainly guns. Duh!

Seriously. Is there anyone in the status quo bunker of so-called expertise who’s offering up ANYTHING that could be regarded as a solution? Are the experts trying to resolve anything meaningful… in the world… at all? Have they ever? Are they even capable of identifying the underlying problem(s)? Are you? Or are you content to continue backing failed and flawed policies, empty ideologies and inflated rhetoric, in hopes that the fantasy– just this once– will fulfill our wishful thinking?

The authorities are well-trained and quite prepared to kill all the Omars, and eventually they’ll get to the Trevors too. All they need is a clear monopoly of force. We can trust them; they’re so fucking wise, right?

Maybe the answers aren’t as easy as crafting new restrictive legislation. (But that’s been working so terribly well!) Maybe someone needs to talk to someone, communicate, gain a little understanding… find out where the itch might’ve be-gun…? Maybe our society could use an overhaul…? You think?

Naw, that’s just crazy talk! Besides, the world has become so much safer, more secure and downright loving since 9/11, since the Patriot Act. Why mess up a good thing with all this crazy talk of solving actual human problems and concerns?

The Powers-That-Be have clearly got it so well in hand, why call out their aged one-trick pony?

Um… that’s no pony. That’s just a braying ass!