The Free Radical

We have the opportunity and the right to determine for ourselves the degree to which we will allow the external world to influence or impress our inner experience.

Conversely, we have an equal opportunity to determine for ourselves the degree to which we will allow our inner experience to influence or impress the outer consensus reality.

To a great extent, currently, much of this is determined unconsciously through our basic stance. What do I mean by our basic stance?

Are we living primarily from the inside-out, embracing our role as a creator, as the primary designer of our unique reality? Or are we primarily taking our cues from external sources, inviting them in to mold our character according to some accepted ideal? Ask yourself: Am I primarily a consumer… or a producer? (Here, I am mainly referring to information.)

Currently, in today’s world, the overwhelming majority of folks are consumers in their basic stance. The overall energetic flow is from the outside in. This is a natural consequence of considering the external reality as being ‘more real’ than the inner reality. We have all been heavily and deeply conditioned to believe this to be true. Despite our intellectual assertions to the contrary, nearly everyone is still living in a Newtonian universe of objects interacting in time and space… which then creates our inner experience. This is exactly backwards!

There is a HUGE difference between knowing a thing intellectually and actually living it; they are universes apart! There is currently much banter about us being the creators of our own reality. But when we assert such things, how many of us are actually taking ourselves seriously? Again, we may understand such a perspective with great conviction and insight… but is this our basic experience? Is the energetic flow in our relationship with the universe truly moving in the direction from the inside out?

In order to answer this question with an honest “Yes”, we would have to see ourselves as being the primary designers of our inner experience– no matter how that expresses externally in the world. We would need to be… well… creative. Creativity follows no rules, holds no beliefs as absolute, adheres to no rigid structures or procedures. Creativity is spontaneous and fun, playing with the heaviest and most dire concepts without fear or self-censorship. Creativity follows the path of our innate, natural curiosity, finding limitless joy in the continual expression of such. Anything that can be done can be done creatively.

Who does your life answer to? To your spouse? Your children? Your boss? Your past traumas? Fantasies about the future? Your education? Your standing with the neighbours… etc, etc, etc… Or do you answer to yourself by honestly expressing those sacred interests which are uniquely yours as the fruits of your natural curiosity?

You ARE the most sacred offering possible– in your unique contributions, whatever they may be– for an insatiably hungry world. That is our true human identity.

Perhaps the basic stance– or orientation– of which I write is mainly a matter of identity. The vast majority of Earth humans still identify themselves through the use of external labels and categories which belong exclusively to the matrix. Marital status, occupation, political affiliation, religious beliefs, net worth, and even sexual orientation are all matrix labels which serve to place identity outside of the self. These, along with many others, are the categories and definitions that are most typically utilized to identify our individuality– though they fail to adequately do so.

Our identity as unique individuals– and hence our true value to ourselves and all of humanity– must lie in what is uniquely ours… our singular expression. There’s something that you are able to do better or differently from everyone else in the world; it is your unique inner gift… and it always seeks expression… which must come from the inside out in true authenticity.

Now, let’s consider a few objections to what I’ve written so far…

“But Niels, Nature is part of the external world, and you identify with that.”

Good point. Let’s draw a distinction. The external world I am referring to in this essay is the matrix overlay– that which is artificial, having no correlate in the natural world. Natural Law exists everywhere in our experience, both internally and externally. The fabricated laws, statutes, codes, regulations, mores, customs, etc of the so-called civilized world… find their origin in the matrix world and can only be internalized through choice or consent… but they do not make up the natural constitution of a human being. They are not innate. Untrammeled nature is a direct, unadulterated reflection of Absolute Truth– that which underlies all of existence inside and out. Taking in outer expressions of Nature doesn’t internalize anything which isn’t already there inside us– including natural vistas and views, interactions with authentic wild creatures, natural foraged foods, etc. In our authentic interactions with Nature, the energy flow is actually two-way and balanced. But until we are able to return to a pristine, matrix-free world, we must redirect the energy flow consciously from the inside… out. When the energy continually flows in this direction, we become effortlessly immune to external forces.

“How is sexual orientation an external matrix attribute?”

So glad you asked! Sexual orientation, in the matrix world, is most often thought of as having to do primarily with sex, and especially the gender of who one chooses to engage with in sex. In the internal world, instead of calling this ‘sexual orientation’, we might refer to it as love’s propensity… the gender one is most likely to fall in love with. And even this is taking the habit of external labeling and placing it where it doesn’t really belong. My own internal propensity is that I am more likely to fall in love with a male– borne out by experience– but love is love, and categorizing it is merely a matrix habit.

And that’s a really big part of what this is all about– habit. Most everyone I know is in the habit of mainly taking things in from the outside and forcing them to define their inner experience… whether consciously or not. When we get in the habit of consistently identifying ourselves as creators, slowly we begin to cultivate the habits of living as such. When our main energy flow is from the inside to the outside, we are immune to external forces… and there’s simply no need to dismantle the external matrix brick by brick. Think of an unstoppable energy wave emanating from your centre that is able to push down any walls and limitations which have been erected around us (with our tacit consent).

Living as a creator– taking full responsibility for our creation: this life– will necessarily involve some very difficult decisions and adjustments. It’s no easy thing!

Periodically, I am asked “Niels, what will it finally take to transform this crazy world into the peaceful loving one that we long for and that will work for everyone?” It will happen quite simply when a critical mass of humans are living their unique passion. Simply by doing what we truly, authentically love to do as the primary activity of our lives the world will transform quickly and most radically into something completely different from this matrix reality we’ve come to accept. We are the world; if we want it to be real and authentic, that can ONLY come from us!

What I’ve tried to express here is what I currently think is the most important understanding of all; it cuts through the need to understand every little nastiness that has been perpetrated against humanity. Instead, we can build a robust spiritual immunity by simply reversing the flow: express from the inside outwardly in every conceivable way. When we can do this 51% of the time, we’re untouchable by all the matrix shenanigans. Don’t believe me; test it for yourself!

This essay is an expansion of a piece I wrote a few weeks ago called The Merry-Go-Round. I consider it to be one of my best. My life has been lived in three distinct segments. The first 13 years, my childhood, was truly idyllic and relatively free from trauma. The worst things that happened to me were the mangling of the big toe on my right foot in a horrific tricycle accident when I was three (my first clear memory), and then the puncture of my left cheek by the handlebars of my scooter which required 13 stitches when I was in kindergarten. During that time, I lived from my inner world, and heard my Mom remark often “Niels, you live in a world all your own.” The next 13-year chunk of my life was the troubled years. I fell in love and subsequently placed my identity outside of myself; most of that time was spent in suicidal ideation– for realz. And now, since the age of 26, I’ve returned to my centre. The re-establishment of my basic inner-to-outer orientation was solidified at age 28 when I wrote my first book: The Thousand-Petalled Lotus: The Flower of Human Consciousness. I can only be knocked off my centre now for very brief moments ever since.

I fully realize that this comes off as though I’m a hopelessly conceited son-of-bitch… but like the honey badger, I don’t give a fuck!

Here’s a reprint of…

The Merry-Go-Round

It’s such a subtle thing, this basic orientation.

As a child, I was the centre of the universe… and the universe belonged to me. That’s another way of saying that all was in its proper place, its ideal order, and I felt deeply that I belonged.

As an adolescent, I moved away from the centre. I did it for the most noble-seeming reason of all; I did it for love.

And I lost my identity… and my belonging.

For thirteen years, I wasn’t Niels. I had become The-Boy-Who-Is-In-Love-With-___. I was off-centre; I was in orbit, in constant motion, subject to unrelenting external forces. I was being pulled apart.

Exhausted, eventually, I clawed my way back to the centre… and I found that I could sit there, without grasping, without effort, at the very centre of the merry-go-round– still spinning the very same stories… but now I could see them again from the inside-out. From the centre, nothing could pull at me Now… though I could perceive it all, clearly.

There are countless children at the centre with me, happy and secure, immune to external forces. But one-by-one, like me, they are eventually lured off-centre… and very few ever make it back in this lifetime. They are torn asunder by centripetal forces… as the journey back to centre is hard, requiring focus and purposeful effort… and the understanding of a universe in constant motion.

Stillness is always at the centre, always waiting. The dimensionless geometric centre of the merry-go-round doesn’t move one iota; it doesn’t even spin. It is timelessness, non-spatial… and I am that, have always been that, and will always be that… forever confronted with the choice to move… if only to reach out a hand to others…

It’s such a subtle thing, this basic orientation…