The Free Radical

(Author Narration with musical accompaniment: Mountain Trust by John Sund & The Danish Radio Big Band)

Perhaps it was just me, but Michael did not seem at all himself. This time when he came to me in dream, he said nothing, and only beckoned me to follow. On previous occasions, the Archangel had always greeted me by name and offered– at the very least– a cordial smile. It appeared to my dreaming mind as though this Michael was little more than a hollow, near-empty shell. But, as I said, it could’ve just been me; my energy had been frazzled lately; in recent days I could scarcely string two thoughts together, so I may have not been thinking straight at all. Besides, it could always be dismissed as merely a dream anyway…

Anyway, he took me unfailingly to the council chamber I’d known well from years of attendance at these seemingly endless war-briefings and strategy sessions. I had always understood my role as one of reporter; I carried back with me the memory of these briefings to share with an information-starved humanity. Over the years I had built a sizable following on the internet. As always, I was eager to get the latest scuttlebutt about the war for Earth. Michael left me to it.

I sat in my assigned seat and immediately noticed that the normally packed council chamber was at least half empty. That in itself was very odd. In fact, all of the seats immediately around me were conspicuously vacant, except for the one directly to my left. Here sat easily the most beautiful woman I had ever seen– and I had certainly never seen her before! I introduced myself quickly, as the meeting was about to begin.

“I’m Ana,” she smiled back in reply. “Ana with just one ‘n.’”

In just that brief statement, she had captured me; I was instantly within her thrall, her pleasant enchantment. Suddenly I was far more interested in her– this Ana with just one ‘n’– than I was in the details of the meeting we were attending. Perhaps it was just a quirk of my dreaming attention, but she had thoroughly captured me!

“Isn’t it interesting,” she whispered into my ear, “that all this counseling goes on behind closed doors, largely in secret, and the Being under discussion– the planetary Earth consciousness– is never invited to attend?”

I called her attention to the woman sitting off to the side of the dais, quietly listening in to the proceedings. “That’s Gaia right there,” I explained. “She’s always here,” I asserted. “But now that you mention it, I’ve never heard her speak; she only listens quietly, passively.”

Ana laughed quietly at this. “That is indeed Gaia… poor little thing! But you mustn’t mistake her for Earth’s planetary Being though. She’s just a waif of an egregore, a Draconian invention.”

I had never encountered this term ‘egregore’ before. (I made a mental note to Google it when I got back to waking consciousness.) There was simply no chance to argue with Ana; her assertions left no ingress or vulnerability. She was incredibly sure of herself! She continued.

“Earth is caught in a proxy war. In no way does this fight belong to humanity; it was imposed upon them– for they are the actual prize, the sought-after spoils of war.”

I nodded. “Yes, the Dark captured humanity long ago; and now Earth’s allies– these Light Forces– are going about setting them– er, us– free.” I was just stating the obvious.

“No, you misunderstand me,” she replied gently. “This whole war is a ruse; it’s a con; it’s a game being played in your mind. You’re being maneuvered into choosing sides… in a conflict that does not belong to you. Humanity is indeed the resolution to this whole affair, but never through choosing sides in an external conflict.”

There was something unsettlingly obvious about what she was saying, but somehow it seemed to go against everything I had come to believe, against everything I had become. It rang like truth within me… and yet, it couldn’t possibly be true! She continued evenly to the bafflement of my stare.

“Humanity is the Great Unknown… unknown to Itself. Humans have been relentlessly conditioned to seek identity outside of themselves. In so doing, they’ve taken upon their own shoulders the burdens of countless worlds, throughout the ages. Deep inside they feel themselves to be the remedy and the ultimate resolution to any strife they encounter. In this, humanity is not wrong– just misguided, or rather deliberately misled.”

I had no answer. I listened raptly, as though the meeting taking place on the dais before me was suddenly inconsequential.

“What might a human Be if this war had never begun? Or if it was simply put aside? What might humanity create for Itself if not riddled with the scars of other lifetimes, with the burdens of deeply wounded creatures stuck in the habit-patterns of an eternity of predation?”

I could only shrug. This is nothing I had ever considered before… and I was curious about that! Indeed, what were we humans outside of the popular stories we’d been given?

“Right now, humans are the quintessential wounded healers, and until humanity becomes whole, they can only exchange infinite band-aids with each other for an eternity. Reality creation isn’t about choosing the right allies. You are here, now, on Earth… old soul. You have countless identities among the stars; you would find yourself everywhere, indeed if you looked outwardly so. But the Creator that you are now, in your Earth embodiment, is alive… from the inside! …Story-less.”

Here Ana paused, presumably because I was supposed to utter some response. Something inside of me made an offering… “My life is precious.” I didn’t really even know what I meant by that!

“Life is precious,” she affirmed. “But you mustn’t think of it as belonging to you, as a prize possession– for indeed, that’s what it would become, a possession. No!” she shook her head. “T’would be much better to think that you belonged to It. It is all One Life in countless expressions, forms arising and falling, like the waves of an intricate symphony. The instrument is not the music itself… until the instrument begins composing; it is the composition which drives the actions of the symphony orchestra, and every Earth Instrument is a virtuoso… once in good repair, clean and eager. We are here to play together.”

“Yes, yes!” I was fully on board. “We must help each other to be the best instruments of Life… to be of eternal service to the grand orchestra!”

She frowned sourly and I was devastated! “Again, you misunderstand me. You are so conditioned into polarity that it is nearly axiomatic to assert that service-to-others is the preferred path. It is indeed the higher path… for taking one’s place in the hierarchy of endless war. One cannot find the Innermost Self by tirelessly catering to the outlandish whims of others. Nor is selfishness the answer though. Single polarities rarely make for good spiritual paths. Service-to-others must alternate with service-to-self. It is an oscillation, a frequency, bouncing from one side to the other… in ever decreasing steps… zeroing in on Neutrality– where the responsible Creator is birthed. Compositions born in Neutrality, such Creations serve Self and All equally and simultaneously… and polarity ceases to exist within the Inner experience.”

This was imprinting deeply on my dreaming mind! “So… the path of Neutrality lies in the inward direction…?” It was only half question; I was pretty sure that that was right.

“Yes, Neutrality is uncovered along the narrowing corridor of refinements of one’s awareness. Awareness, as it expands… paradoxically, it becomes laser sharp. Neutrality is an infinite space beyond the frequency fence, pinpointed at one’s core. But we should stop… I’m losing you.”

“No! Never! I could listen to you all day and night,” I insisted. But just then in the aisle beyond Ana’s seat there stood an usher… with a clipboard.

“Ahem,” he not-so-subtly cleared his throat in preamble and said “Excuse me Miss–” He looked down at the clipboard, squinting. “Miss Hara, is it? There seems to be an issue with your credentials. If you’ll kindly come with me.”

Not for an instance did she even glance at him. She stood by her seat, facing me, and said “I think we’re done here.” She nodded and winked and I could only think to nod back. As she left the council chamber, I turned my attention back to the dais…

It was over. I had missed it! I didn’t have a clue what they’d discussed here this evening…

…And honestly, I really couldn’t have cared any less!