“Please Take Your Place in the Far Queue”
by nielskunze on April 3, 2015
This was the opening piece from the February 2014 Newsletter. It begins with a quote from The Anarchist, followed by our main feature.
(Author Narration with musical accompaniment: I think Lesiem, but I’m not too sure.)
“The god who dwells in my heart is neither a bureaucrat nor a lover of bureaucracies;
Among the wise, evolution springs from spontaneity.” – The Anarchist
“Please Take Your Place in the Far Queue”
“Please take your place in the far queue.”
“Hey, the announcer is Aussie.”
“Goddamn, that light is nearly blinding!”
“The privilege of being near the front of the line.”
“Excuse me, is this the line-up for Divine’s?”
“Yeah, but no cutsies! Back of the bus, buddy.”
“Please remain in single file.”
“Just follow my lead. Say what I say… do what I do… and we’ll get in… we have to!”
“I heard that Buddha and the Eastern Masters are headlining tonight.”
“Yeah, but they’re not as good as Saint Germain. I hear he killed it last night!”
“Hey, what’s the holdup?”
“Please everyone, just wait your turn.”
“Is that him?… Jesus! Is that Jesus?”
“I think it is! Hello! Jesus!… yoohoo!… I think he looked. He totally looked!”
“Ascension sure is fun… but I hate all these goddamn lineups.”
“Pretty friggin’ orderly though.”
“Hey, check out the door… talk about the eye of a needle!”
“Okay, who brought the camel?”
“Jesus my man, slick ride!”
“Tell me this is all-inclusive. I didn’t bring any money.”
“Get a load of the rich dude…”
“Yeah, like he’ll get in.”
“I heard they have light chambers. Do they have light chambers? Does anyone know if they have light chambers? God, I hope they have light chambers!”
“Please check your guides at the door. They may be retrieved upon request when you leave.”
“Leave? Oh man, I don’t plan on ever leaving. This is the shit… thee shit!”
“What if I say something stupid. Bet you a million dollars I say something stupid!”
“Stop worrying. The whole thing’s divinely supervised. As if anything could go wrong!”
“You can’t fart without three angels praying for your salvation and forgiveness.”
“What if I forget everything I’ve learned so far? My mind’s a sieve.”
“It’s not what you know; it’s who you know. Just tell ‘em you’re with me.”
“So… is this like the fourth dimension or the fifth dimension?”
“Upper fourth I think. The fifth is still reserved for the higher-up mucky-mucks.”
“God, I’d like to sit at their table!”
“My head hurts. Does anyone else’s head hurt?”
“That’s just your consciousness expanding.”
“Hey, who’s that guy?”
“Look at him… just wandering around like he doesn’t have a clue.”
“Hey! Jackass! Get in line!”
“Where’s he think he’s going?”
“Check out his T-shirt: ‘I am The Way.’ Better not let Jesus see you with that!”
“He’d kick his blasphemous ass!”
“Hey, where’d he go?”
“I swear he was standing right there… and then poof… he vanished!”
(“There are as many doors to heaven as there are those who knock.”)
“Who the fuck said that?”
“I dunno. Shit, that was weird!”
“Please take your place in the far queue.”
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