The Free Radical

Mr. Obama,

Although I am Canadian, I realize that America has long stood as a symbol for the rest of the world representing “liberty and justice for all.” Thank you so much for finally dispelling this obvious fraud. Your country is the joke behind the world’s furtive snickering… and we’re always thankful for a good laugh!

You may wonder why I’ve chosen to address you as “Mr. Obama” as opposed to “President Obama.” Someone holding the office of President of the United States would have to be a leader, but since you have demonstrated that you have no leadership skills whatsoever, I’ve concluded that you must not really be the President. Thank you so much for showing the world in no uncertain terms that you truly wield no significant power. You are as impotent as a eunuch serving in the true King’s chamber.

I suppose I could have called you “Mr. Change,” as that was the buzzword from your presidential campaign. But, here again, I must sincerely thank you for demonstrating to the world that real change will not– and ultimately cannot– come from our political “leaders.” Here, I think, Gandhi got it right when he told the world that “you must be the change you wish to see in the world.” I know you just want to wave your magic wand– oh wait… your wand doesn’t work anymore (see the paragraph above about the eunuch in the King’s chamber). Well, thanks anyway for showing us all how meaningless the words “hope” and “change” really are when they’re spoken by a man without any balls at all.

You know, I used to sometimes get annoyed with the arrogance of many American tourists– struttin’ around like they owned the world. But now, thanks to you and your dismally failed economic policies, some of those same American tourists (the ones who still have money to travel with) are so much more humble. Now instead of demanding that our Canadian goods and services be valued in US dollars, they sheepishly proffer their Federal Reserve notes asking quietly “Do you still accept these?” Yes, for the time being, we still do.

So thank you from the depths of my heart Mr. Obama. No, you have not made the world a better place in any way, but you have shown the world that it is up to us to affect the changes we desire. You have demonstrated your own insignificance and irrelevance in such a profound way that only the most ignorant among us will continue to look to you and your political brethren for… well… anything.

Now please just get out of the way!